An interview is a formal and necessary step in the process of getting past the fear of judgment for yourself or for the other person.
So, we’re talking about interviews! We’re talking about interviews with people we know are going to ask us questions. This is a process and we’re doing it together with an awesome team.
We’ve always liked interviews as a process. They’re a fun social lubricant and a great way to get a fresh perspective on ideas. The way that they work is that you get a bunch of questions, and the questions get asked in a way that builds on each other. So, if we had one question from a guy on the street, it would start to build from there.
We were talking about interviews we had with friends and family members. The kind of questions that we use for interviews to get you to really think are the ones we use for feedback. This is usually a follow-up question that you asked at the beginning of a conversation and it ends up being something that you ask again later. So the more you ask, the more you learn about the person asking you.
I have to agree. The more I talk with people, the more I learn about what makes them tick. What makes them want to be here and what makes them want to be the way they are. I know that people with personality disorders will often have an “I don’t like to talk about myself,” but I think this is a really important question for anyone who is trying to open themselves up to the world.
For instance, I think many of the people I work with who have personality disorders are not people who were born under a lucky star. I recently met a woman who says that when she was 5 years old, her family had a fight and she ran away to live with her father. At 7 years old, she was raped just for the pleasure of it. She says that the only thing that kept her from killing her father was the fact that he was an abusive alcoholic.
She says that when she was 9 years old, she was sexually assaulted by her father while sitting on a park bench. She says that this was the first time in her life that she had ever been treated like a victim.
When I was very young, I would go to school with a friend in the same neighborhood where she was. There was a girl in the park with her parents, and I would go to school with her, and she would say, “How did she get into school?” and I would shout, “Hear ye!” and she would say, “Shoot!” and we would shoot.
The thing is, the girls who were sexually assaulted in this case were a very small fraction of the school population. And even though I was a very good friend, she was a very bad friend. She was a very controlling, overbearing, and manipulative person. She was just as much a victim as I was.
That’s an example of the difference between a victim and a bystander. A victim is one who goes out there and is at risk and is injured, but has no choice in how severe the injury is. A bystander is one who is injured, but is in no immediate danger. Often we don’t even realize we’re at risk until someone else is. We see a woman lying in a hospital bed, and we don’t realize that she’s been raped, until she tells us.